This Needs To Stop!

I was doing so well! I lost 7 pounds from the diet pill! I made it to 129!! I haven't seen 129 in YEARS!!! Then what happens?! I got extremely sick one day from not eating for like 2 weeks while taking this diet pill! So I started eating to try and fill my body with some nutrition to last me until march! Now I'm back up to 131 and I can't stop eating! I feel so full and so gross but my body is begging me for food, and I don't know how to stop it! It feels like my willpower is no longer strong enough to fight. What I had today was cereal with 1% milk, an apple, a tuna grinder, and some sweethearts. I want to barf...but I sing so I can't. I've already almost lost my voice for good! :( I can't do anything else to put my voice in danger! So the only thing I can do is laxatives but I can't....I left them at school. How else can I make myself sick enough to try and shit everything out!! Somebody help me and give me some advice as to how to get back on track!!! I want to cry! I want to be 123 by March 12!! Do you think I can do it?!!?

~S.

FOUR POUNDS!!!

I know I wrote a post on the 2nd saying that I was starting to take pills again. Well, I was looking online on GNC to find the best and I found this one called OxyElite Pro!! OH-MY-GOSH has it worked wonders! I started taking it two days ago and I'm already down FOUR POUNDS! I went back up to 138 so now I'm back to 134! How awesome is that! This pill had 150 reviews and only 3 of them were bad reviews! Everyone was loosing at least 10 pounds in the first week to week and a half! It makes it where you're not hungry at all and if you want food you have to make yourself eat it! For the past two days I've only had 225 calories each day and 100 calories were from a Vitamin water! How crazzy is that!!?!? This is helping me restrict so much! I couldn't even finish a banana!!

I am so happy right now, and this pill gives me soo much energy without the jitters, so I can even work out longer! :)

I just thought I'd share, normally I wouldn't suggest diet pills to anyone but if you are considering it or stuck in a rut and need help just getting out of a certain weight you've been stuck at, I HIGHLY recommend this pill.

Click here to read more about it and the reviews!



~S.

hardest time...

Today has been super hard....
I got away with not eating a lot though..I had a banana and then half a serving of Raman Noodles, then a muffin top and a ton of water. I mean that was probably a good 400 calories total. If that? I don't even know...But I'm trying so hard to get to around 100-200 calories a day...plus my vitamins, and my weight loss pills that I have started taking again...not proud of it though :( gahhh! This weight just needs to come off and fast...but I also need to cancel my gym membership because I don't have the money to keep going anymore...I mean I guess I could...but it's like $45 bucks a month and I'm a college student with a lot of other things that I need to pay for...I just don't know what to do.

Besides that I didn't get too much exercise in today which sucks....but I'm waking up in the morning to work out with a friend...we run the stairs for about a half and hour then I do some body weight stuff like crunches and push ups and stuff....I'm really trying...

I'm not even hungry right now...but I can't stop thinking about food...my mind tricks me and tells me to eat.."your bored...you should stuff your face" and then ana chimes in and reminds me with "do you know how fat you are? you're never going to reach your goal you fat pig. You deserve to never eat again." And, then I just remember how right she is.

Damn you ana. Why do I let you control my life...I want to be happy with myself for once and not feel so worthless.

~S.

I'm Back

Hey guys,

I'm finally back after a long time. I was kind pulled away from everything until I could be trusted again by everyone. I ended up having to open up to people about my eating disorder, even to my doctor. I wasn't hospitalized but who is and who really takes you seriously until you're like extremely underweight and all you see is bone. Which is exactly what I want!! Over the past month or so, I've been able to gain everyone's trust back. They believe that I've been eating....but that's because I have. I've done very well though, I haven't gained any weight. But, I am going on vacation in March and I want to look fantastic! So it's time to get back on my horse and finish my journey. I want to be 120 by March 1st. Right now I weigh 135. I don't think that will be too bad. I have 29 days to lose 15 pounds....do you think I can do it?

I need to start journaling more to keep me on track. So I'll be posting a lot more!

How has everyone else been?

~S.

I'm kinda proud of myself.

So last night my friends wanted to hang out, drink and watch a movie and play rock band. I'm not much of a drinker but I said I would hang out with them. So I did, we played rock band and then when they watched the movie I was on the phone with my boyfriend the whole time (I'd already saw the movie so it didn't matter) But before we started playing rock band everyone wanted to go get soda and chocolate. Chocolate is one of my weaknesses! So I bought a small bag of reese pieces. They stayed by me the entire time. 2 hours later I'm still holding them but they hadn't been opened. Then we went down to watch the movie and I called my boyfriend. I was staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, phone in one hand and the chocolate in the other. I was so disgusted with what I saw, I looked down at the bag and just said in my head "you will not control me" and I threw them in the garbage and walked away. I was very proud of myself.

Although, I'm back up a pound....not sure how that happened. So I will not eat today.

xo ~S.

WOOOOHOOO!!

So, I can't update this in my stats yet because it hasn't been a week and maybe it'll change more by tuesday, but I did go down a pound! I know it's not much but considering that I ate yesterday and the fact that it's been so hard to lose any weight at all. I'm stoked!!!!!

My friend just asked me if I wanted to go eat with her in the cafeteria for dinner. And, I really want to go so I can socialize but...I know if I go down there I'll just be tempted and I'll eat something. Even though I lost a pound, I'm excited but I'm still sitting her thinking about what'd I'd get to eat if i went down there. So I know that I'd cave. It's better that I stay put in my dorm room and forget that food even exists. When I get hungry I'll down some water! :) always seems to fill me up!

xo ~S.

fucked up again...what else is new?

Gahh!! It's been so hard. Tomorrow I will try this again, I have to prove to myself that I can go one day. With my working out today my net intake of calories was 417 calories. =[ gahh.

oh well. tomorrow is a new day......