Today has been super hard....
I got away with not eating a lot though..I had a banana and then half a serving of Raman Noodles, then a muffin top and a ton of water. I mean that was probably a good 400 calories total. If that? I don't even know...But I'm trying so hard to get to around 100-200 calories a day...plus my vitamins, and my weight loss pills that I have started taking again...not proud of it though :( gahhh! This weight just needs to come off and fast...but I also need to cancel my gym membership because I don't have the money to keep going anymore...I mean I guess I could...but it's like $45 bucks a month and I'm a college student with a lot of other things that I need to pay for...I just don't know what to do.
Besides that I didn't get too much exercise in today which sucks....but I'm waking up in the morning to work out with a friend...we run the stairs for about a half and hour then I do some body weight stuff like crunches and push ups and stuff....I'm really trying...
I'm not even hungry right now...but I can't stop thinking about food...my mind tricks me and tells me to eat.."your bored...you should stuff your face" and then ana chimes in and reminds me with "do you know how fat you are? you're never going to reach your goal you fat pig. You deserve to never eat again." And, then I just remember how right she is.
Damn you ana. Why do I let you control my life...I want to be happy with myself for once and not feel so worthless.
~S.
I know exactly how it feels when your body plays mind games with you. I just want to scream at it!
ReplyDeleteStay strong!
xx.